I had no idea that the talk with my dear friend would lead to such relief. Panic has not come back to me in a big way since the afternoon before I talked to him. It is so nice to feel a little bit more like myself again, to be assured that although this will come back in waves, it’s not a permanent state of being.
My husband is out of town this weekend, so I plan to enjoy having our new place to myself, wake up early, spend time outside, do a little work (the fun stuff!) but definitely not too much, catch up with a couple friends, and of course spend time with the pup.
In talking with my friend, we’ll call him Sam, and my husband, I came to realize that as easy as it is to blame this episode on work, or problems with my marriage, or the trauma that led us to moving so suddenly, the source of my anxiety is simply: not feeding my soul for too damn long. It’s me just getting by, surviving life one day at a time. Of course these other factors intensified things, but with the way I’ve been living, it was just a matter of time.
This is something I’ve known for years actually, but I just maxed out, and my body did/is doing what it had to to get my attention.
Because I love myself, I’m really sorry it had to get this bad in order for me to wake up and recognize I really need to change.
I’m thankful this relief has made some space for change. It’s yogatime. 🙂