In less than an hour, András’ parents will take us to Budapest. It will be time to tell them good-bye for another year, maybe only 6 months if we’re lucky and can come back for Christmas. András is already noticeably sad. I wonder how bad it will be when we get home?
We went to visit one of his Nagyi’s yesterday (Grandma), and it was so sad because she’s really sick. András truly believes that might have been his last visit to see her.
I am going to miss the lifestyle, the language, the people, his parents, his cousins, his grandma’s, and my friends, who either live here in Hungary or close by.
How can I make my home feel more like home? Logically, I believe the answer to be entirely within myself, but experience doesn’t show that to be true.
AfterI wrote the last post and was obviously feeling pretty negative about going back, I continued to walk around Kecskemét. I had a memory: Hungary didn’t pull the real me out of myself on it’s own. I made a conscious decision before I left to be myself in a place where I could start completely over, where no one from my past would be comparing my actions to past experiences. To trust that I was pretty awesome on my own, and didn’t need to act a certain way or seek others’ approval to be great. To be happy.
So, while there are things that I can’t change about home, like superficial people or the architecture (not to mention politics), I can bake fresh bread, I can co to the market on Saturdays, I can walk and bike everywhere, I can speak Hungarian,
and I can be me.