Love Means

Love means being able to be open and honest.
Vulnerable.
Love means choosing to go ahead,
And say what needs to be said,
When it’s not what they want to hear,
When it might hurt,
When it causes an shift, a tear, a (momentary?) split
In the relationship.
When it shakes up how they thought you perceived them.
Because love means
Challenging each other to be better
Challenging each other to be honest,
First and foremost,
With themselves.
And love means,
Respecting yourself enough to say what you need,
Knowing yourself well enough to know what you want,
So that your connection is stronger,
More authentic.
This love isn’t easy,
But it isn’t about sacrifice,
Or waiting,
Or wondering,
Or hoping,
Or avoiding.
Love means being able to be open and honest and vulnerable.
And believing they’re still going to be there,
When it’s not what they want to hear,
When it might hurt,
When it causes a shift, a tear, a split,
In the relationship.
Love means doing all of this,
And receiving it as well.

Love Means.

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I Feel Sick

In an effort to write about my anxiety today, while in a panic, I wrote this. This is not going to be an uplifting post, but hey, that’s life. It will get better.

Back pain is back, strong. Weakness, dizzy, nauseous. Why is this happening so much?
I’m very tired.
Tired of not knowing what is real. Especially in my own body.
It’s exhausting.
Just saying that, I feel a little better.
This shit sucks.
Tingles in my arms, neck, fingers, back.
Everyday it’s something new.
But I can’t just turn it off. I have to accept it as it is, and know that it’s
Part of me.
There is something, actually a lot, that I need to process.
I’m discovering how to live my life as an adult, without my parents,
at a time when I’m more independent than my partner.
And unfortunately, work goes own even when life is hard.
Tingles in leg. Still feel nauseous and dizzy.
Back pain strong.
But somehow I feel more at peace.
This is part of me.
Part of my process.
Anxiety is a nicer word than panic, but that’s what this is.
My mind is in a panic,
And my body is catching up.
My emotions left behind, mixed up,
To be interpreted.
I feel sick.